The Helpless Maiden
by Blue Mage Quartet
Summary: *Oneshot, Complete* Shadow snorted, “You, Amy? Helpless? You have no need of anyone to protect you. Even the most hardened criminals would flee after 10 seconds of your company.”


**The Helpless Maiden**

**AN: Yeah, another Sonic humor one shot between Amy and another poor soul, this one being Shadow. Inspired by the characters Serra and Erk from Fire Emblem. Comments, criticism, and reviews all welcome!**

* * *

Why didn't he bring his gun this time? The one and only time he had neglected to bring his trusty firearm, he had been stuck with _her _company. Well, that was kind of a stretch. As if Amy was the type of person any sane being wanted to be around.

"Oh, hi Shadow!" Her green, glittering eyes were as wide as her smile.

"_She would have made such good target practice…" _Shadow thought, his hands fidgeting behind his back. He watched silently as the traffic sped by them during the usual morning rush. Station Square was like that every morning, people always rushing to and fro. They never took any time to _enjoy_ anything; the most important thing on their mind seemed to be the next paycheck.

"You should be thanking me, you know!" Amy started as she jumped right next to him, following beside him on the curb. "It's thanks to me that you're here and alive today! Because I convinced you back on the Ark, all the decisions you have made have been influenced by yours truly!" The red garbed chick proclaimed, pointing to herself. "So, start being grateful!"

"…Where did you get that idea? Just because you reminded me of Maria for a moment, I owe you some kind of debt?" Shadow raised an eyebrow at the younger girl's confounding logic. If only he could somehow push her in front of a car and make it look like an accident…

Amys' face drew into an offended expression as they passed the newspaper stand and the movie posters plastered on the wall of the train station. "Of course you do! Besides, I've been with our little circle of friends longer than you have…" Her mouth turned upwards to a smile as her eyes lit up, "so you should treat me as your superior anyway!"

"Doesn't Sonic decide who usually leads the groups on your little missions?" Shadow asked as the two walked up the steps.

Amy seemed confused for a moment, "Well, he hasn't mentioned it yet, but he would agree, seeing as I am his close friend and fiancée!" The delusional pink haired one folded her arms across her chest haughtily.

"Nice to have this little chat," Shadow said, his voice heavily laden with sarcasm, "but I'll be off for some alone time. I haven't fulfilled my daily quota of being broody." Reaching the boarding platform for the trains, he stepped through the sliding doors and into the train.

"Shadow! Wait for me!" Amy screeched after him as she ran into the sliding doors of the compartment next to his.

* * *

"Shadow! Stop moving so fast!" Amy huffed, out of breath as she tried to catch up with his retreating figure. Jumping out of the mine cart that had stopped along the railroad tracks, her eyes scanned the familiar downy trees, flowing rivers, and large ruins of the jungle that was secluded in the deeper parts of the Mystic Ruins. She nearly jumped at the familiar green light of Chaos Control.

Looking down the long ladder leading into the forest path, she yelled down to Shadow as he reappeared at the bottom of the ladder. "Hey! You can't protect me if you're all the way down there!"

Shadow gazed back up at her, annoyed, "Protect you? From what? _Why _do I have to protect you?_" _Shadow glared at her as she scrambled down the ladder next to him.

Amy clasped her hands over her chest, trying to assume an innocent look, "Because I'm a powerless young maiden! I'm very frail and people are always looking to take advantage of me!" Amy sobbed noisily into her dress, wiping at her tear stained eyes with the edges of her red and white garment.

"Besides," the annoying girl continued to yammer, as Shadow's patience began to wear thin, "haven't you heard of those deadly avalanches where the boulders would come down and flatten you-"

"And I protect you from rocks _how_, exactly?"

"A tornado could come and blow me away-"

"One can dream…"

"And there're bears that'd cart me away and gobble my helpless self for lunch!" Amy finished, her eyes bulging from their sockets and her cheeks puffed up. Shadow thought she looked like a pink, hair-band wearing toad.

Shadow snorted, "You, Amy? Helpless? You have no need of anyone to protect you. Even the most hardened criminals would flee after 10 seconds of your company."

Amy's boots caused a ripple in the small stream as she stopped, on her face a look of incredulity, "Really? Am I that intimidating?" Her eyes lit up in fiendish delight, even though Shadow had clearly just told her she was annoying, not frightening. "If I have that kind of power over criminals, then surely I can sway Sonic or Knuckles the same way. That must mean…" she paused for dramatic effect, before declaring, "I must be the leader of our group! Wow, I didn't know I had that kind of power!"

The male covered his ears in despair as Amy cackled, growling at her as she spun and danced around, "Amy, stop moving around so much! You're hard enough to put up with when you're standing still!"

Amy halted her idiotic routine, following him as he trudged through the thick undergrowth, "What's the matter, Mr. Frumpy-Face?"

Shadow ignored her, and stomped along silently.

"Well, at least you've finally started listening to me."

Shadow stopped, turning around to glare at her with furious scarlet eyes, "You know, they call it alone time for a reason. It's because you're **alone.**"

"Oh, don't act like you don't love the chance to be with me!" Amy cooed, further infuriating the black and red hedgehog. "Come on, don't fight it…"

"…Nonsense." Shadow muttered moodily as the two came to the top of large waterfall that cascaded over a large expanse of forest. As he stretched out languidly, examining the old, weathered fence stretched across the cliff and the small shoots of fern, he felt at peace. Until Amy loudly announced her presence by plopping down next to him.

"I knew it! My beauty should be a crime!" She announced, before turning to Shadow, "Ah, but Sonic must be really jealous of all this time you get to spend with me… so jealous, in fact, he might send you on a dangerous mission to get you killed!"

"_Maybe I can push her off the cliff…" _Shadow mused, before replying, "I'm not too worried about that."

"Now what kind of answer is that?" Amy asked, sounding doubtful. "You must not understand the power I have over men. Listen closely while I explain again…"

"Enough!" Shadow yelled, startling Amy out of her explanation. "Why do you pester me constantly? If you hate me so much, why be around me?" His words echoed around the forest.

"Don't say that!" Amy replied, "I'm the only person here who understands your dark, secretive personality!" Shadow scowled at this remark. "You'd probably kill yourself or get hurt and die if I don't look after you. I stay by your side so you won't be so sour and… angsty," Amy finished, smiling brightly.

Shadow was a little surprised. "Well, it's the same with you," he began, "people find you so annoying, they probably wouldn't look for you if you disappeared… so I stay with you to make sure you don't!"

Amy had an appalled expression on her face, "You… you don't mean that!" The pink hedgehog cried, confused at Shadow's harsh words.

"It's no worse than what you said!"

"You know, you should be grateful that I even took the time to talk to you today! The only reason I'm here, like I said earlier, is to be your friend! You're so alone and broody, that's not healthy! This is time out of _my life_ that I'll never be able to get back." The female hedgehog shouted her response angrily, her green eyes nearly alight with frame. She huffed in a surly manner as she turned on her heel away from Shadow.

Shadow's expression softened slightly, realizing that he had hurt her feelings, "Amy, look. I know you mean well, and I appreciate it. Sort of. A little. Well, not really. But, you know, you'd be easier to deal with if you weren't so..." Shadow struggled to find words that wouldn't enfuriate the girl further.

"'So...' what?" Amy replied irritabily, turning to face her male companion.

"Aggressive. Strong willed. Clingy."

"I resent that!"

"What did I say now?" Shadow asked, frustrated and perplexed at the moody girl that was popping his personal space bubble.

The crimson-striped male was surprised as her anger digressed into easy laughter, the bright smile returning to her face as her rage cooled. "I'm not clingy."

Shadow's laughter echoed her own. "Try telling that to Sonic whenever he's within grabbing distance."

Amy crossed her legs, laying her head on her knees as she teasingly replied, "You're just jealous."

Shadow flopped on his back, the rushing sound of the river calming him. The fronds and plants of the forest surrounding the pair drifted back and forth in the slight breeze.

"Amy?" Shadow asked.

"What is it?"

"Tell _anyone _about this conversation and me spending time with you, and I will personally Chaos Control you to the bottom of the ocean. I have a reputation to uphold as a lone wolf who won't let people get close, or something. I don't want people getting the wrong idea."

"Seriously," Shadow rolled over, his crimson eyes gazing into Amy's green ones, "if those scary human girls inserting nonsensical Japanese into their sentences start following me around, screaming something like, 'OMG ShadAmy you guys are so KAWAII together!!11' then I might have to assasinate you in public."

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

* * *

**No, I don't hate Amy. I just like to make use of her in humor. Hope you enjoyed!**


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